No one looks good in skinny jeans!!

Let’s be real people….NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN SKINNY JEANS!!! AND who thought this was a good look?  I’m just sayin…

Don’t get me wrong, I love my jeans. Usually high-end, designer jeans and if I can find them on sale, all the better. I live in my jeans and have quite a few. So, when I went through my closet recently and got rid of a few old jeans, I had to replace them. SHOPPING TRIP!!!

Big mistake. Every pair of jeans in every store I went into was a skinny pair of jeans. Dark denim, light denim, distressed denim, low-rise, mid rise, capris, modern skinny, slouchy skinny and, the worst of them all, painted-on-like-white-on-rice skinny. Urrrgghhh, they all sucked.

I love the way I look in a great pair of jeans. Let me tell ya, skinny jeans are not a great pair of jeans. For starters, as you all know, I play A LOT of soccer. My thighs are developed and in the wrong pair of jeans (skinny) I look like a frog. Don’t get me wrong, I have great legs. Tan (thanks to my Hawaiian father) and in shape. You would never know it in a pair of skinny jeans.

After trying on about a dozen or so pairs of jeans, I left and indulged myself in a latte and a pedicure. I’ll buy a cute skirt!!!

Ciao for now

Karma is a Bitch and then the Ex gets a divorce

I was married last November to the Soccer Stud. Not ever wanting to be divorced, I chose to wait until I was completely, 100% positive that I had found, what I like to call, the-rest-of-my-life partner. I am very pleased with my decision to wait.

Unfortunately, my husband didn’t wait!! My husband was married to his first wife for almost ten years. After two kids and, what the SS found out, multiple affairs later, the “Ex” decides she does not want to be a wife or a mother and is moving to Denver with her boyfriend. I say…..”Thanks for fuckin up!!! So, nearly ten years after she has this epiphany, I become wife number #2.

Now I have to tell you that this woman is not the most stable person. She not only left her husband, she also gave full custody of her boys to my husband and disappeared for a good five years. She has been on many medications for depression and bi-polar disorder and has been counselled for eating disorders and suicide. Shortly after I met my now husband, the “Ex” broke up with her boyfriend. We didn’t see her much after that for about three years.

Five years ago, she shows up with a new boyfriend. I call him “Lurch”. Nice enough guy, but dumb as a box of rocks….SERIOUSLY!! I want to tell him to run Forrest….RUN….but I don’t. None of my business really and the “Ex” could have gone through extensive therapy and is a “changed for the better” person. Everyone can change….right? Not this kitten!!!! IT’S WORSE!!! She is up for the “Best Mother of the Year” award because she has always been so close to her boys. She is best friends with her ex-husband (NOT!) and they co-parent their boys together. What a fabulous team!! (I think I just vomited in my mouth)

Two years later, the “Ex” and Lurch run off to Vegas for a quicky wedding and some dinner and….VIOLA….the “Ex” is back in the game. What she didn’t figure on was a formidable player….ME!! Ya see kiddies, with me, it works like this….I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, you choose. I am really smart and, strategically, I am usually three moves ahead of you. So, if you want to try me on as an enemy….TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!!

So what do you think she chose? It isn’t what you think. Truly, she believes we are friends and I allow her to think that we are while it serves my purpose. Remember, I have two step-sons to consider in this equation. My strategy has to include keeping them out of harms way. It isn’t hard. If I give her enough rope, she has hung herself in record time, everytime, and it never comes back to me.

Thich Nhat Hanh said “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.” Shaky ground for the “Ex”. What I don’t know is what karma is coming back upon her husband to have the “Ex” for a wife. They have been married for three years, unhappy for half their short married life and just recently we were told that they are separating. No big shocker for us and for anyone that is aquainted with the “Ex”. We’re surprised it lasted this long. My husband and I are placing our bets on how long it will take her to find another nice but really dumb guy to fool. The odds are in our favor. The “Ex” needs someone dumb enough to take care of her, her dog and two cats because Lord knows she can’t. Over-lapping relationships is her MO and she has it down to a science. Ten years ago it was dating websites. Currently, her venue of choice to find a mate…yup, you guessed it…FACEBOOK. She has over six hundred friends on facebook and the numbers are growing. She will be friends with anyone and everyone. She is on it so much, I would bet (again, my odds are good) she is fast becoming the Alexis Carrington of facebook. And YES, I am that old!!

Sadly, my husband and I can’t shelter my step-sons from the pain and suffering caused by their Mother. We can’t keep them from learning all the ugly truths about her… facebook and texting will take care of that. All we can do is help them to understand that everyone is human, that we all make mistakes and, more times than not, we don’t learn from them….and there’s the BITCH!!

Ciao for now

I’m not ready to make nice!!!

I know that I am a true friend. So when a friendship ends, for whatever reason, I take it pretty hard. I knew the end of what I thought was a great friendship was coming. Now that I look back on things, hindsight being 20/20, I realize that it isn’t the end. We have come full circle.

When you try to build something on a rocky foundation, you are never on solid ground. I should have trusted my first instincts and kept the friendship on a casual basis. People will always tell you exactly who they are in the first ten minutes of meeting them. It’s your job to pay attention. Look back on any bad relationship, whether it is a romance, a friendship or a random encounter. Something was not right from the get-go. What I did wrong was to try to convince myself it was just a one-time deal. Dummy!!!!

No…I will not say what you want to hear. No….I will not “come clean” on something you think I did. No….I will not apologize for something I didn’t do. So…..I’m not ready to make nice!!!

The Real Housewives of BFE

I have a confession…I am addicted to the Real Housewives of EVERY city!! Seriously!! BRAVO TV has tapped in to what the rest of us already know and are making a killing. It doesn’t matter where you live, it doesn’t matter what lifestyle you have or what tax bracket your in…women will collectively and individually create drama over the most and least ridiculous and petty crap. AND if they can’t, they will make the shit up!!

It’s not just Orange County or New York City…OH NO!! They could have a Real Housewives of Trailer Park #109 and there would be the same middle school antics and Survivor alliances. The only distinction, instead of Versace and Chanel, they would be wearing wife beaters and K-Mart blue light special denim.

Let’s think about this for a second. If you stripped it down to bare essentials (no pun intended) just on a basic level, the majority of women endure and inflict the same backstabbing, judgmental, misunderstood bullshit to each other and themselves and we aren’t on TV. Why would we do that??? When do we realize that it isn’t worth the time to think this crap up. Are we really teaching our daughters to treat each other like crap? Isn’t it hard enough just to get through our already crazy lives? Why do we make it harder on our selves and each other?

Is it so hard to be genuine, caring and accountable? So much so that we would rather hurt other women than be honest with ourselves? I would like to believe that we can stop the madness and be accepting and respectful of each others feelings and opinions.

…..AND then another show comes on!!!

Ciao for now!

The Un-Enjoyment List

For starters, I am not a list maker. I am one of those completely insane human beings that keeps everything in their head and shows up at every event prepared, organized and ready to go.

And my children wonder why I am so pissed when they whammy me with something at the last-minute!!! Hence, the stern talking to my son received yesterday morning when he needed money to buy a ticket to the LAST school dance AND it was the last day to purchase tickets. You couldn’t have told me about this on Monday???

Realizing that I am definitely the crazy exception and not the rule, I absolutely appreciate whatever tricks work for you. Given that there are so many lists produced in a day. My girlfriend has at least five lists going at any given time….the grocery list, the chore list, the to-do list, the kid list and the husband list. Me being me, I suggested condensing lists. For instance, chores and to-do on the same list, kids and husband on a family list and so on.

Oooooh no no no!!! That just wouldn’t work! How silly of me!! PALEEEEASE!!

Last week, I started to think about these different lists. The three-year goal list, the five-year goal list, the bucket-list. I also started to think about my current life situation. Happily married, unemployed with four kids going in four million directions and my husband and I going in six million directions. The economy is in the crapper and there are no jobs in my field that aren’t at least a four-hour daily commute and those jobs are very few. The part-time jobs closer to home are buried under the bajillion resumes of applicants ranging from a snow balls chance in hell to so over qualified its hysterical and I am somewhere in between.

So, what is an unemployed, overachiever, newly stay-at-home Mom to do with this over-abundance of time?????

I….have NO idea???   Truly….NO IDEA!!! LOOOHOOOOSER!!! And then it hits me, like a lightning bolt. I can do ANYTHING!! For the first time in my life, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!!

I ran into the office and pulled out one of the many unused, very cute and functional note books that I so love to buy with every intention to write important things in and never, ever do. I pick a very nice one with tropical flowers on it and a good size. Not to small so I can read and write easily and not to big that I hate carrying it around in my bag. I open it to the first page and at the top I write…

The Un-Enjoyment List

This is my list of all the things I have ever wanted to do, said I would do and haven’t gotten around to do. I am going to learn Spanish and maybe even French. I am going to play my guitar. I will learn how to play the piano. I want to be certified in SOMETHING. I don’t know exactly what that certification will be but it will be something worth while and nothing to do with a job related project. Just something I’m interested in. I have a whole list of things on my un-enjoyment list and my goal is to complete as many things on my list as I can before I go back to work. Which I will…someday. Until then…..I’m gonna enjoy my un-enjoyment!!!

Ciao for now!