My life over 40

In my twenties, I used to think that my life would not be that much different when I’m in my forties. My life isn’t much different now than it was then, just a little swapping. I swapped friends for kids, bars for sleep overs and Friday night drinks with the girls for Friday night soccer games and beers after the game. Still, my life feels the same! One problem…I’m not the same.

I couldn’t wait for Friday nights and usually started partying on Thursdays. Now, I just want to go and hang with the kids for awhile then crawl into bed and read my book before putting in a movie and falling asleep. My social life has become my soccer teams and playing three nights a week. I still hang with my friends and we do what we love, which is playing soccer.  Some how, it feels the same. In my head, I know I’m not the same.

Maybe because I’m not where I want to be….for myself, my kids, my family. I thought I would never get married and that was okay for me. Miss Independant, don’t need a man, I can do it on my own. Well, I’m doing it on my own, every day, and it isn’t as satifsying as I thought it would be. To take care of my self and my family on my own, to make all the decisions and carry all the weight of them. What was I thinking?

That is why I am so tired at the end of the day. I watch those people with the perfect lawns, BBQing in the back with friends and family and they always seem to have so much energy. Everything is done…the house is clean, the lawn is beautiful, the bills are paid, refrigerator full and all the laundry is clean, folded and put neatly away. I’m bustin my ass to get the lawn mowed and the garbage out on the right day. My car needs to be washed, weeds need to be pulled, my daughter wants blue streaks in her hair and my son has to read two books in two weeks to get a passing grade in advanced reading. What am I doing wrong???

I can build and run a successful construction company but I can’t run a successful home. Bullshit!!!

…and then it hits me

I can’t do it all ALONE! The one thing I thought I didn’t want and didn’t need is exactly what I need most! I pay people to help me with my company. I delegate jobs and projects to the appropriate people and the outcome is successful. So, lets try my personal life. I need a partner, a friend, a mate. Some one to help with the chores, the money, the kids, the lawn. Now where do I find the right one?