I’m not ready to make nice!!!

I know that I am a true friend. So when a friendship ends, for whatever reason, I take it pretty hard. I knew the end of what I thought was a great friendship was coming. Now that I look back on things, hindsight being 20/20, I realize that it isn’t the end. We have come full circle.

When you try to build something on a rocky foundation, you are never on solid ground. I should have trusted my first instincts and kept the friendship on a casual basis. People will always tell you exactly who they are in the first ten minutes of meeting them. It’s your job to pay attention. Look back on any bad relationship, whether it is a romance, a friendship or a random encounter. Something was not right from the get-go. What I did wrong was to try to convince myself it was just a one-time deal. Dummy!!!!

No…I will not say what you want to hear. No….I will not “come clean” on something you think I did. No….I will not apologize for something I didn’t do. So…..I’m not ready to make nice!!!

The Real Housewives of BFE

I have a confession…I am addicted to the Real Housewives of EVERY city!! Seriously!! BRAVO TV has tapped in to what the rest of us already know and are making a killing. It doesn’t matter where you live, it doesn’t matter what lifestyle you have or what tax bracket your in…women will collectively and individually create drama over the most and least ridiculous and petty crap. AND if they can’t, they will make the shit up!!

It’s not just Orange County or New York City…OH NO!! They could have a Real Housewives of Trailer Park #109 and there would be the same middle school antics and Survivor alliances. The only distinction, instead of Versace and Chanel, they would be wearing wife beaters and K-Mart blue light special denim.

Let’s think about this for a second. If you stripped it down to bare essentials (no pun intended) just on a basic level, the majority of women endure and inflict the same backstabbing, judgmental, misunderstood bullshit to each other and themselves and we aren’t on TV. Why would we do that??? When do we realize that it isn’t worth the time to think this crap up. Are we really teaching our daughters to treat each other like crap? Isn’t it hard enough just to get through our already crazy lives? Why do we make it harder on our selves and each other?

Is it so hard to be genuine, caring and accountable? So much so that we would rather hurt other women than be honest with ourselves? I would like to believe that we can stop the madness and be accepting and respectful of each others feelings and opinions.

…..AND then another show comes on!!!

Ciao for now!

The Un-Enjoyment List

For starters, I am not a list maker. I am one of those completely insane human beings that keeps everything in their head and shows up at every event prepared, organized and ready to go.

And my children wonder why I am so pissed when they whammy me with something at the last-minute!!! Hence, the stern talking to my son received yesterday morning when he needed money to buy a ticket to the LAST school dance AND it was the last day to purchase tickets. You couldn’t have told me about this on Monday???

Realizing that I am definitely the crazy exception and not the rule, I absolutely appreciate whatever tricks work for you. Given that there are so many lists produced in a day. My girlfriend has at least five lists going at any given time….the grocery list, the chore list, the to-do list, the kid list and the husband list. Me being me, I suggested condensing lists. For instance, chores and to-do on the same list, kids and husband on a family list and so on.

Oooooh no no no!!! That just wouldn’t work! How silly of me!! PALEEEEASE!!

Last week, I started to think about these different lists. The three-year goal list, the five-year goal list, the bucket-list. I also started to think about my current life situation. Happily married, unemployed with four kids going in four million directions and my husband and I going in six million directions. The economy is in the crapper and there are no jobs in my field that aren’t at least a four-hour daily commute and those jobs are very few. The part-time jobs closer to home are buried under the bajillion resumes of applicants ranging from a snow balls chance in hell to so over qualified its hysterical and I am somewhere in between.

So, what is an unemployed, overachiever, newly stay-at-home Mom to do with this over-abundance of time?????

I….have NO idea???   Truly….NO IDEA!!! LOOOHOOOOSER!!! And then it hits me, like a lightning bolt. I can do ANYTHING!! For the first time in my life, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!!

I ran into the office and pulled out one of the many unused, very cute and functional note books that I so love to buy with every intention to write important things in and never, ever do. I pick a very nice one with tropical flowers on it and a good size. Not to small so I can read and write easily and not to big that I hate carrying it around in my bag. I open it to the first page and at the top I write…

The Un-Enjoyment List

This is my list of all the things I have ever wanted to do, said I would do and haven’t gotten around to do. I am going to learn Spanish and maybe even French. I am going to play my guitar. I will learn how to play the piano. I want to be certified in SOMETHING. I don’t know exactly what that certification will be but it will be something worth while and nothing to do with a job related project. Just something I’m interested in. I have a whole list of things on my un-enjoyment list and my goal is to complete as many things on my list as I can before I go back to work. Which I will…someday. Until then…..I’m gonna enjoy my un-enjoyment!!!

Ciao for now!

Forty-two and out of the blue…

Where to start…AGAIN…

So much has changed in the last two years since my last blog. For the most part, it’s better than I could have done!! After eight years, the soccer stud figured out he liked it so much he put a ring on it. The proposal…I’ll leave that for another post. Four months later we were married!!!

Two weeks before the wedding, I was laid off from my current job. Not the construction company (again another post). Just a shit job that was boring me to tears and right before the wedding was perfect timing. The wedding was a complete blast…which was ALL that we wanted…and off to living our life in Gig Harbor. Four kids, four dogs and a house that we need to add-on and remodel. No time for a honeymoon, the holidays and State Cup killed that one. We talk about going on a honeymoon in the future but…don’t all newlyweds do that??

After the holidays and State Cup, I found myself in a situation that I had never been in nor would ever think it would affect me in such a precarious way. I was BORED!!! Seriously, BOOOORED!!! I used to write about being bored for ten minutes and what a wonderful thing that would be. To actually be able to sit and wonder…what am I gonna do for the next ten minutes? Hah, be careful what you wish for!! Boredom turned into depression (another new one) and depression turned into pre-menopausal hormonal imbalance…WTF!!?? Are you kidding me?? I can’t POSSIBLY be PRE-MENOPAUSAL. I’m only 42…what the hell!!??

Talk about weird!! I had NO idea what was happening. Couldn’t sleep, unless it was two in the afternoon. Had no drive of any kind, whatsoever!! It was enough to just get in the shower, clean the kitchen and do laundry. Any more than that and I was ridiculously pissed off…and where did that come from? I can get pissed off but never because the bathroom needed to be cleaned or I needed to go to Target for hair color!! It was so crazy that I wouldn’t have been surprised if my husband was contemplating slipping me a Prozak-micky in my morning coffee.

For fear that my new husband was seriously questioning his marriage proposal, I decided to start moving. No matter how pissed off I was, no matter how tired I was, I got off my ass and moved. I took every soccer game opportunity that came my way. I walked our four dogs every afternoon and I walked around the track at my husbands games. I did what I had always done…stayed busy. I made menus for the week and cooked dinner every night. I read books…lots of books!! Anything and everything I could think of to keep my body and mind stimulated…I DID!! It helped a lot but I still wasn’t the same. I began to wonder if I ever would be the same ever again.

One Wednesday night, after sitting with my soccer girlfriends watching our soccer husbands play, we all decided to go to our favorite sports bar and get beers. One of my girlfriends is a complete health nut…vitamin supplements, hot yoga, naturopaths, you name it she knows it…and I confided in her that I had been, for the most part, BLUE.

She says, “You’re not BLUE! You have a hormone imbalance. It happens to all of us at our age.”

At our age?? What the hell does that mean?? Our age!!! I’m only 42 for fuck sakes!! I’m not my Mother…am I?

She continues to say, “You need to get this supplement and this creme and you’ll be good in about four months. Come by my work and I will hook you up.”

Supplements and creme, REALLY? That’s ALL I need to be GOOD again? To be me again? Bullshit…I call BULLSHIT!!! We laughed and joked about being over forty and went back to husbands, beers and soccer. Supplements and cremes, hah….MY ASS!!!

A month later and I’m still thinking about two words, hormonal imbalance. So, I did what anyone else would do…I GOOGLED. Yes, talking to a doctor or naturopath would probably have been a better choice, but I know now that my fuse and my rational was limited at the time. So…I googled. What I found out was my girlfriend was right. Supplements and creme is what I need and with the $40 my husband gave me, I am off to see my friend at work. 

I am a month into my new supplement and creme routine and happy to say that my girlfriend and Google were right. I feel more and more like the self that I remember everyday. I am sleeping better and at night. Up early, rested and ready to get on with my day. Blogging again and out of the BLUE!!