No one looks good in skinny jeans!!

Let’s be real people….NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN SKINNY JEANS!!! AND who thought this was a good look?  I’m just sayin…

Don’t get me wrong, I love my jeans. Usually high-end, designer jeans and if I can find them on sale, all the better. I live in my jeans and have quite a few. So, when I went through my closet recently and got rid of a few old jeans, I had to replace them. SHOPPING TRIP!!!

Big mistake. Every pair of jeans in every store I went into was a skinny pair of jeans. Dark denim, light denim, distressed denim, low-rise, mid rise, capris, modern skinny, slouchy skinny and, the worst of them all, painted-on-like-white-on-rice skinny. Urrrgghhh, they all sucked.

I love the way I look in a great pair of jeans. Let me tell ya, skinny jeans are not a great pair of jeans. For starters, as you all know, I play A LOT of soccer. My thighs are developed and in the wrong pair of jeans (skinny) I look like a frog. Don’t get me wrong, I have great legs. Tan (thanks to my Hawaiian father) and in shape. You would never know it in a pair of skinny jeans.

After trying on about a dozen or so pairs of jeans, I left and indulged myself in a latte and a pedicure. I’ll buy a cute skirt!!!

Ciao for now

Karma is a Bitch and then the Ex gets a divorce

I was married last November to the Soccer Stud. Not ever wanting to be divorced, I chose to wait until I was completely, 100% positive that I had found, what I like to call, the-rest-of-my-life partner. I am very pleased with my decision to wait.

Unfortunately, my husband didn’t wait!! My husband was married to his first wife for almost ten years. After two kids and, what the SS found out, multiple affairs later, the “Ex” decides she does not want to be a wife or a mother and is moving to Denver with her boyfriend. I say…..”Thanks for fuckin up!!! So, nearly ten years after she has this epiphany, I become wife number #2.

Now I have to tell you that this woman is not the most stable person. She not only left her husband, she also gave full custody of her boys to my husband and disappeared for a good five years. She has been on many medications for depression and bi-polar disorder and has been counselled for eating disorders and suicide. Shortly after I met my now husband, the “Ex” broke up with her boyfriend. We didn’t see her much after that for about three years.

Five years ago, she shows up with a new boyfriend. I call him “Lurch”. Nice enough guy, but dumb as a box of rocks….SERIOUSLY!! I want to tell him to run Forrest….RUN….but I don’t. None of my business really and the “Ex” could have gone through extensive therapy and is a “changed for the better” person. Everyone can change….right? Not this kitten!!!! IT’S WORSE!!! She is up for the “Best Mother of the Year” award because she has always been so close to her boys. She is best friends with her ex-husband (NOT!) and they co-parent their boys together. What a fabulous team!! (I think I just vomited in my mouth)

Two years later, the “Ex” and Lurch run off to Vegas for a quicky wedding and some dinner and….VIOLA….the “Ex” is back in the game. What she didn’t figure on was a formidable player….ME!! Ya see kiddies, with me, it works like this….I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, you choose. I am really smart and, strategically, I am usually three moves ahead of you. So, if you want to try me on as an enemy….TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!!

So what do you think she chose? It isn’t what you think. Truly, she believes we are friends and I allow her to think that we are while it serves my purpose. Remember, I have two step-sons to consider in this equation. My strategy has to include keeping them out of harms way. It isn’t hard. If I give her enough rope, she has hung herself in record time, everytime, and it never comes back to me.

Thich Nhat Hanh said “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.” Shaky ground for the “Ex”. What I don’t know is what karma is coming back upon her husband to have the “Ex” for a wife. They have been married for three years, unhappy for half their short married life and just recently we were told that they are separating. No big shocker for us and for anyone that is aquainted with the “Ex”. We’re surprised it lasted this long. My husband and I are placing our bets on how long it will take her to find another nice but really dumb guy to fool. The odds are in our favor. The “Ex” needs someone dumb enough to take care of her, her dog and two cats because Lord knows she can’t. Over-lapping relationships is her MO and she has it down to a science. Ten years ago it was dating websites. Currently, her venue of choice to find a mate…yup, you guessed it…FACEBOOK. She has over six hundred friends on facebook and the numbers are growing. She will be friends with anyone and everyone. She is on it so much, I would bet (again, my odds are good) she is fast becoming the Alexis Carrington of facebook. And YES, I am that old!!

Sadly, my husband and I can’t shelter my step-sons from the pain and suffering caused by their Mother. We can’t keep them from learning all the ugly truths about her… facebook and texting will take care of that. All we can do is help them to understand that everyone is human, that we all make mistakes and, more times than not, we don’t learn from them….and there’s the BITCH!!

Ciao for now